Oh dear, a terrible day, but not because of the smoking I don't think. It all started after work when I was wondering what to do with myself that evening. There were things to do, but I just couldn't be bothered to do any of them.
Then I realised I was very very depressed. I thought about going to buy a pack of 10, smoking one and throwing the rest away. However , just the thought of the taste of the cigarette made me feel sick. I think that's a good thing, as I don't remember feeling like that about cigarettes before.
Earlier in the day, I had found a forum that discussed Champix (the drug I'm taking to help stop smoking - known as Chantix in the US). It was quite interesting reading about other people's experiences but one thing I noticed was that it caused depression in some people.
So what had made me so depressed? It was either:
1. Because I don't smoke anymore
2. Because I'm taking Champix
3. Because I had read that other people on Champix get depressed
4. Because of how I felt after seeing my doctor (see Tuesday's entry)
5. Other
6. A combination of any of the above
I don't think it's 1 because the thought of that made me feel sick. I decided it was most likely 2 so I decided to stop taking it. But then I changed my mind because I thought I might start smoking again!
So I just went to bed early in the hope that a good night's sleep would make me feel better again. I would like to hear from anybody who has any thoughts on this, or has suffered something similar. The good news is that I'm still smoke-free!
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2 comments:
Good going Pete. You know, I have about 12 days more on my quit than you and I still am having cravings. It points out just how strong of an addiction this is. I have often heard that nicotine addiction is as powerful as heroin addiction, so keep in mind what you are up against.
One thing I do, besides the daily affirmation of "I am not going to smoke today", is channel my anger to cigarettes. I mentally say with force that it is not going to win. Putting it into a context of a thing makes the fight more clear cut. Because it is such a ruthless thing, this addiction, it takes the strongest of our will to conquer it.
I have heard some of the bad side effects of champix too. How long do you have to stay on it? You are almost a month into your recovery and the physical addiction should be passed by now. It is the psychological addiction that is the toughest to get over, and important to recognize. With time though, and patience, it will get easier. I can relate to some of your bad days, cause I have them too. But, with each time we choose not to pick up a smoke, we are reprogramming and re-wiring ourselves to live without smoking. It is a tough battle, but with each victory over smoking we are gradually strengthening our resolve to not pick up the habit again.
I really think you can get some good motivation from the videos at www.whyquit.com, if you haven't checked it out yet.
Anyway, don't give up now Pete. You really don't want to go through these awful withdrawl symptoms again. Trust that there is going to be a brighter day. I think you have already had glimpses of that. Keep building on that positive feeling of caring about your self and health enough to win this battle over smoking.
I am not going to smoke today.
Thanks for your support srj900, you're really helping me with your comments.
I decided that being depressed is just a side effect of not smoking, rather than the drug itself and I'm feeling much better now.
With Champix, you're supposed to take it for 12 weeks initially. Then, at your doctor's discretion, up to another 12 weeks aswell!
I haven't quite worked out why you need to take it for so long!
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