Still here and still not smoking. Hope everyone else is doing well too.
I went to the doctors today to get some more “happy pills”. I told him I felt better but that I still couldn’t be bothered to do anything. He said that was normal and he would expect things to improve over the next 4 weeks, and after another 4 weeks for things to be “as good as they’re going to get”.
I asked about coming off Champix too, as I’ve been on it now since 1st January. He asked if I felt confident that I could keep off the fags. I said that I was pretty sure I’d be OK, so I’m stopping the Champix from today. I’ve still got 6 days of Champix left though, just in case things go awry. I know how I reacted last time I stopped taking it, so I’ll be very wary.
You can never be totally sure of anything, but I’m as sure as I can be that I won’t smoke again. Of course, you never know what lies ahead in this life and anything could happen to trigger it off again. But, like I said, I’m as confident as possible that it won’t happen.
Saved so far £717.75
Monday 7 April 2008
Wednesday 26 March 2008
Stop Smoking Day 75 - Thursday March 26th 2008
Hi folks, yes I’m still here. Sorry it’s been so long but I seemed to lose my way a bit as far as this diary was concerned.
Anyway, I’m still not smoking and I think the depression is a bit better too. There was a comment the other day that nicotine itself was an anti-depressant. This got me thinking so I did a bit of research.
Sure enough it’s true. Without realising it, smokers are self-medicating themselves with an anti-depressant. It’s no wonder we feel miserable when we stop smoking and it explains why we reach for the fags when we are upset, stressed, etc.
I even read an article somewhere that recommended taking the very anti-depressant pill that I’m taking alongside Champix! If only I’d known that from the start, maybe it would have been a little easier. I think that people should be made more aware of this before they stop smoking.
As far as the smoking itself is concerned, I know I’m still not out of the woods. It still seems to me that nothing will ever be quite as good again.
For example, I was thinking that soon it should start to get a bit warmer in this country, with spring around the corner, closely followed by summer. It makes everyone feel better when it’s not so cold. But then I thought “but it won’t be so good being outside in the nice weather without a fag!”.
Another example was a friend (who smokes) said how great it was when he was on holiday recently (with the kids, etc) to get half an hour to himself with a cup of coffee and to read the paper. He didn’t need to mention the smoking, but it was implied. When I thought about myself being in that situation, I couldn’t imagine even wanting to sit down with a coffee and a paper if I couldn’t smoke at the same time!
It’s things like that that still make it seem so difficult. I’m sure you all know what I mean and I’d be interested to hear if any of you have had similar experiences and how you have dealt with them.
I’ll try and start writing a bit more often again now. Maybe not every day, but at least once a week.
Saved so far £618.75 (where is it all??!!?!)
Anyway, I’m still not smoking and I think the depression is a bit better too. There was a comment the other day that nicotine itself was an anti-depressant. This got me thinking so I did a bit of research.
Sure enough it’s true. Without realising it, smokers are self-medicating themselves with an anti-depressant. It’s no wonder we feel miserable when we stop smoking and it explains why we reach for the fags when we are upset, stressed, etc.
I even read an article somewhere that recommended taking the very anti-depressant pill that I’m taking alongside Champix! If only I’d known that from the start, maybe it would have been a little easier. I think that people should be made more aware of this before they stop smoking.
As far as the smoking itself is concerned, I know I’m still not out of the woods. It still seems to me that nothing will ever be quite as good again.
For example, I was thinking that soon it should start to get a bit warmer in this country, with spring around the corner, closely followed by summer. It makes everyone feel better when it’s not so cold. But then I thought “but it won’t be so good being outside in the nice weather without a fag!”.
Another example was a friend (who smokes) said how great it was when he was on holiday recently (with the kids, etc) to get half an hour to himself with a cup of coffee and to read the paper. He didn’t need to mention the smoking, but it was implied. When I thought about myself being in that situation, I couldn’t imagine even wanting to sit down with a coffee and a paper if I couldn’t smoke at the same time!
It’s things like that that still make it seem so difficult. I’m sure you all know what I mean and I’d be interested to hear if any of you have had similar experiences and how you have dealt with them.
I’ll try and start writing a bit more often again now. Maybe not every day, but at least once a week.
Saved so far £618.75 (where is it all??!!?!)
Thursday 13 March 2008
Stop Smoking Day 62 - Thursday March 13th 2008
I've now gone for over 2 months without a drop(?) of smoke passing my lips. I think that's pretty good and I didn't really think I could do it.
I'm finding it difficult knowing what to write on this blog at the moment. My feelings are very mixed and confused so I haven't really got anything enlightening to say.
Earlier today, I thought to myself that I didn't miss smoking anymore, so I've just now got the depression to deal with. But then this evening, I felt that I really wanted a smoke! I then thought how nice it will be to eventually get to the point where you don't think about smoking all the time! I wish I knew when that time is going to arrive.
I hope everyone's still reading this and still off the fags. I'm sorry that I haven't been writing so much lately, but I think my state of mind has a lot to do with that. Hopefully things will start to improve fairly soon.
I'm finding it difficult knowing what to write on this blog at the moment. My feelings are very mixed and confused so I haven't really got anything enlightening to say.
Earlier today, I thought to myself that I didn't miss smoking anymore, so I've just now got the depression to deal with. But then this evening, I felt that I really wanted a smoke! I then thought how nice it will be to eventually get to the point where you don't think about smoking all the time! I wish I knew when that time is going to arrive.
I hope everyone's still reading this and still off the fags. I'm sorry that I haven't been writing so much lately, but I think my state of mind has a lot to do with that. Hopefully things will start to improve fairly soon.
Monday 10 March 2008
Stop Smoking Day 59 - Monday March 10th 2008
I've been to see my doctor this morning, and he diagnosed me with mild to moderate depression. It was a bit embarrasing actually, as I was almost in tears when I was talking to him. Feeling sorry for myself I suppose.
He said that depression tends to come and go in waves and that I could be at a peak at the moment. We could either do nothing, get some anti-depressants, arrange some therapy, or a combination of the last two. He said that the therapy would be more difficult to arrange and that it was perhaps an option to come back to at a later time if necessary.
He asked me what I wanted to do, and I said that I had been feeling so low that I wanted to do something about it. Therefore, I now have some anti-depressants to add to my increasing array of daily drugs. Apparently, they can take a couple of weeks to start taking effect so we'll just have to see how it goes. I have to see him again in 4 weeks to monitor progress.
I've just realised that I haven't even mentioned smoking in this post! Perhaps I should start a new "Depression Diary" or something!
I do still miss the smoking and there are times when I long for a drag. I don't miss the wheezing and having to stand outside in the rain though! I'm still waiting for that invention that feels the same as a cigarette, but isn't bad for you!
Saved so far £486.75
He said that depression tends to come and go in waves and that I could be at a peak at the moment. We could either do nothing, get some anti-depressants, arrange some therapy, or a combination of the last two. He said that the therapy would be more difficult to arrange and that it was perhaps an option to come back to at a later time if necessary.
He asked me what I wanted to do, and I said that I had been feeling so low that I wanted to do something about it. Therefore, I now have some anti-depressants to add to my increasing array of daily drugs. Apparently, they can take a couple of weeks to start taking effect so we'll just have to see how it goes. I have to see him again in 4 weeks to monitor progress.
I've just realised that I haven't even mentioned smoking in this post! Perhaps I should start a new "Depression Diary" or something!
I do still miss the smoking and there are times when I long for a drag. I don't miss the wheezing and having to stand outside in the rain though! I'm still waiting for that invention that feels the same as a cigarette, but isn't bad for you!
Saved so far £486.75
Friday 7 March 2008
Stop Smoking Day 56 - Friday March 7th 2008
I have certainly been feeling much better over the last few days. I think it was a mistake to come off the Champix, and I guess I'll need to discuss this with my doctor. I mean, it's such a new drug, who knows what happens when you stop taking it?
I haven't been to see him yet. I was going to go yesterday morning, but I just imagined myself sitting there and telling him I was depressed. It made me feel a bit stupid so I didn't go. I know it's ridiculous thinking like that but it is a hard thing to do when you are faced with it.
I will have to see him anyway within the next couple of weeks, because I'll need some more Champix. I think I'll leave it until then to talk to him.
I had a great night out with the "lads" from work last night. We went to a pub and had a few pints while watching a UEFA cup match. Then we went to another pub but we didn't stay there long; it wasn't our sort of pub as it only had men in it! Then we went for a nice Indian meal and a few more pints.
I didn't think about smoking hardly at all, which is good. Also after a night out like that in the past, I used to feel terrible for the whole of the next day. However, although today I have a bit of a hangover, at least my mouth doesn't feel like total shite! I used to get through two whole packets of fags in just one night!
I am now almost certain that I will never smoke again.
Saved so far £462.00
I haven't been to see him yet. I was going to go yesterday morning, but I just imagined myself sitting there and telling him I was depressed. It made me feel a bit stupid so I didn't go. I know it's ridiculous thinking like that but it is a hard thing to do when you are faced with it.
I will have to see him anyway within the next couple of weeks, because I'll need some more Champix. I think I'll leave it until then to talk to him.
I had a great night out with the "lads" from work last night. We went to a pub and had a few pints while watching a UEFA cup match. Then we went to another pub but we didn't stay there long; it wasn't our sort of pub as it only had men in it! Then we went for a nice Indian meal and a few more pints.
I didn't think about smoking hardly at all, which is good. Also after a night out like that in the past, I used to feel terrible for the whole of the next day. However, although today I have a bit of a hangover, at least my mouth doesn't feel like total shite! I used to get through two whole packets of fags in just one night!
I am now almost certain that I will never smoke again.
Saved so far £462.00
Wednesday 5 March 2008
Stop Smoking Day 54 - Wednesday March 5th 2008
I'm feeling a bit more cheerful today for some reason. I've discussed my depression with work colleagues, and they've now all arranged to go out on Thursday night for a few beers and a curry to try and cheer me up! That's nice of them.
Only one of them smokes, and he'll have to go outside with the law as it now is in this country, so that's alright.
I still think I'll try to see my doctor tomorrow morning though, as perhaps he can suggest something to help with lifting my feelings.
Saved so far £445.50
Only one of them smokes, and he'll have to go outside with the law as it now is in this country, so that's alright.
I still think I'll try to see my doctor tomorrow morning though, as perhaps he can suggest something to help with lifting my feelings.
Saved so far £445.50
Tuesday 4 March 2008
Stop Smoking Day 53 - Tuesday March 4th 2008
I went back on the Champix this afternoon. It got to the point where I was so fed up with everything, that I nearly went to get some fags. However, I didn't, and I took the Champix instead.
I think I'll go see my doctor soon about my depression. It's got to the stage where I've lost interest in everything except football. Luckily for me, there's some Champions League on TV tonight (Manchester United v Lyon) so at least I've got that to look forward to.
I think I'll go see my doctor soon about my depression. It's got to the stage where I've lost interest in everything except football. Luckily for me, there's some Champions League on TV tonight (Manchester United v Lyon) so at least I've got that to look forward to.
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