Stop Smoking Day 50 - Saturday March 1st 2008

The last few days have been better than expected, considering I'm not taking the Champix anymore.

I am feeling some differences though, which are worth noting:

• I am nowhere near so depressed (very good).
• The thought of a cigarette no longer makes me feel sick (bad).
• My bowels seem to be returning to normal (good).
• I'm not getting vivid dreams (neither good nor bad).

So overall I'd say the effect of not taking the Champix is positive. However I must point out that I don't think I could have stopped smoking without it in the first place. It was just a case of not knowing when to stop taking it.

Saved so far £412.50

Stop Smoking Day 40 - Wednesday February 20th 2008

This evening after I'd had my meal and I was drinking some red wine, I thought about what it would be like to have a smoke. The feeling was there that I wanted something, which must be why I thought about smoking.

However, the thought of the smoke going into my lungs made me feel sick. I've mentioned this before in this blog, but it still surprises me that it makes me feel that way. I had heard other people mention it before, but I never thought I would feel that way. I wonder if it's the Champix?

Anyway, what it has made me realise is that I wanted something, but not a cigarette. That probably means that for all these years that I thought I wanted a cigarette, I didn't really want one. I think the cigarette plays tricks on us, making us think that we want one when we don't want one at all. It makes it easy to see how we become so addicted.

Now I must try to find out what the "something" is. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe it's just because I've become so used to smoking that I expect there to be something else. Non-smokers don't think there's anything missing so I suppose it's just something we have to get used to now that we no longer smoke.

Saved so far £330.00

Day 27 - Thursday February 7th 2008

Oh dear, a terrible day, but not because of the smoking I don't think. It all started after work when I was wondering what to do with myself that evening. There were things to do, but I just couldn't be bothered to do any of them.

Then I realised I was very very depressed. I thought about going to buy a pack of 10, smoking one and throwing the rest away. However , just the thought of the taste of the cigarette made me feel sick. I think that's a good thing, as I don't remember feeling like that about cigarettes before.

Earlier in the day, I had found a forum that discussed Champix (the drug I'm taking to help stop smoking - known as Chantix in the US). It was quite interesting reading about other people's experiences but one thing I noticed was that it caused depression in some people.

So what had made me so depressed? It was either:
1. Because I don't smoke anymore
2. Because I'm taking Champix
3. Because I had read that other people on Champix get depressed
4. Because of how I felt after seeing my doctor (see Tuesday's entry)
5. Other
6. A combination of any of the above

I don't think it's 1 because the thought of that made me feel sick. I decided it was most likely 2 so I decided to stop taking it. But then I changed my mind because I thought I might start smoking again!

So I just went to bed early in the hope that a good night's sleep would make me feel better again. I would like to hear from anybody who has any thoughts on this, or has suffered something similar. The good news is that I'm still smoke-free!

Saved so far £222.75